DAMMIT! x((

*sigh* It was supposed to be the best place I'm gonna visit for Raya this year, but things didn't go out as planned..

I was wearing my best outfit because my family and I were going to go to my aunt's house. Her nephew temporarily lives there for the school holidays. When school starts, he'll go back to his boarding school in Pahang. I had a crush on this boy since the first time I met him. We were 7 years old at that time. We played together and it was such a fun time for me.

I still remember the day as it was the only day I ever saw him. We were both playing in the kitchen (maybe we were playing tag?) then my aunt and uncle were going out to buy some stuffs. So, we tagged along. In the car, I don't have the slightest idea what we were trying to do but we stared at each other and then we laughed. Then we kept quiet. Then we looked at each other again and laughed again. It went on and on and on until we reached the supermarket. That's all I can remember.

So, when we stepped into the house, I got all nervous and excited to see him again. The last time I saw him was when we were in Form 1. And that was the first time I saw him since we were 7. Imagine how long we haven't seen each other? As soon as we sat down, my eyes went wild searching for him. But I can't find him. I thought maybe he was somewhere upstairs, doing his homework. I came up to that conclusion because when my aunt was over at my house, she told me that he was always busy in his room, doing homework.

Finally, after what felt like an hour (seriously, it was just about 5 minutes) he showed up. I felt my heart skipped a beat (wait, make that 10 beats) and I was very excited when I saw him. He then went into the kitchen but showed up 3 minutes later and shook hands with everyone. He missed out my mum so he kinda U-turned and shook my mum's hands. He then moved on to me. Too bad I was, like, too mega nervous so I was like, "We can shake hands?" Then I could feel him going red in the face. My mum was giggling beside me. Suddenly the whole world went blank (too bad I didn't faint, though) and after a short recovery, I think I blushed. Dammit! God, I seriously wished I could've undo time and just take his hands and shake hands with him...

Later, we had some noodles to eat. While eating, (I always get my best ideas when I'm filling up my tummy) I got this brilliant idea. He was watching TV (not alone, though) and I guess I could go and watch it with him. Then maybe I can apologize for what happened earlier. Then perhaps we could have a laugh about it and keep on talking like good friends (yada yada yada). I thought I would have the guts to do it, unfortunately, I haven't fully recovered from my nervousness (I wonder if that is a word?) so it didn't happen. However, I did watch TV with him and he sounds so adorable when he laughs. (:

Finally, we gotta go home. After shaking the elders' hands, I wondered if I should finally go (and bring along some guts) and work the plan. Well, I was still a scaredy cat so, yeah, you know what happens next. But, for a second, (more like 15 minutes) I felt like he was looking at me. I don't know whether it was a you're-weird stare or well-look-at-you stare or whatever. But I could feel he was looking at me. Doesn't everybody know that feeling when you think somebody was staring at you?

Darn it, really wish I could undo time, or at least see him again and have the guts to talk to him. At least a simple "Hi" or a smile would be the smallest thing I can do to a crush.